Reason behind this all

Personally, i have created this blog as all the time i question what the world perceives of me vs how i view myself.

I see myself as manipulative, selfish and needing to be liked. However, recently i tested how people who i interact with view me…. Words produced were: kind, caring, productive, sunny, outgoing, loving. None of these i would use for myself.

I feel every human action has an ulterior motive behind it. When im kind, its because i want them to like me. When i smile, its because i dont want people to see the self-conscious me. When im loud and excitable, its because i dont want to cry.

My actions are false shield put up so people cant see the real me. Anytime someone gets close, another defence goes up.

Now my question is, i am but one person, how many people do this? Then to what extent can you truely say you know someone.

What’s the point?

This is all about how when you wake up and get out of bed to face the day, at some that day, the chances are you will be living a lie…..

Some of you will think ‘what? Thats never occured to me’. I ask you this, have you ever recieved a complement and thought, thats not true! Or reached for a biscuit and realised you promised yourself you wouldnt have any today. Then there are the bigger matters. A job you dont feel you deserve, someone loving you when you feel they shouldnt. All of these are examples that you’re living a lie.

Now, before you think this is very negative! It’s to prove a point that no matter how much you doubt yourself, tell yourself off or think negative, you are not alone. It is a matter of perception.